This past Saturday, we attended a lovely wedding at Flaghill Winery. I have found that a majority of weddings have awful food and you are seated with the most awkward group of people ever, but none of that was the case at this wedding! Woo!
|Obligatory shot of the wedding with the important people in it.|
Events like weddings or parties make me realize that I am the shittiest adult on the face of the planet. I get exhausted meeting new people, because in my head I am very hard at work trying to not freak out at the amount of people in the room, being uncomfortable in my fancy clothes, and also trying to not say something completely awkward.
|So how's the penis lately?...Shit.|
To further separate me from the adult crowd, I do not particularly like the taste of alcoholic beverages. I can count on less than half of one hand the number of drinks I have had and liked...two, in fact: Toasted Marshmallow Amore and some very pink frozen fruity thing I had on my honeymoon in the Bahamas but don't know the name of.
|Fuck you Olive Garden for getting rid of the only alcoholic drink I like and know the name of.|
You would also be surprised how many people feel awkward, threatened, or just all around angry that you are not drinking. Then they come to the conclusion that there must be a medical reason for your disturbing lack of alcohol, and immediately ask in their loudest voice if you are pregnant. Then you spend the rest of the evening denying the baby rumors and feeling fat.
|Me: Chunky, not pregnant.|
I find it easier to just skirt the whole issue by pretending I already have a drink, so I like to carry a mocktail. That way, no one bothers me or tries to buy me something totally disgusting that they insist I will like, despite the fact that I have told them I don't want it.
The only mocktail I knew that every venue has the stuff to make is the Shirley Temple, which is okay, but not great. NO MORE!
|Suck it, Shirley.|
At the wedding, I found out about the most awesome drink ever. Behold my friends, the Darth Vader!
|Okay, the photo quality is shitty, but whatever.|
What is in this glass of delicious you might be asking. I will tell you, because we are BFFs and everyone should know of this wonderful beverage: Coke, grenadine, and a maraschino cherry. BAM.
|The taste is magical. Like unicorn urine or something.|
(Side note: the brand name for the grenadine in this photo is funkin syrup. That makes me giggle.)
It was magical and everyone thought it was a "real" beverage. Also, it is named after Darth Vader and that equals awesome.
|Don't ruin this by reminding me that this drink is also called the Roy Rogers.|
It's a fucking DARTH VADER bitch.