Monday, October 22, 2012

Magical Beverage

I don't know if it is the increased darkness, the cooler weather, or lack of sleep, but I have just been a blob of blah lately. I work, come home, make dinner, do some laundry, and lay on the couch. Rinse and repeat for the whole week.
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
This past Saturday, we attended a lovely wedding at Flaghill Winery. I have found that a majority of weddings have awful food and you are seated with the most awkward group of people ever, but none of that was the case at this wedding! Woo!
Obligatory shot of the wedding with the important people in it.
Events like weddings or parties make me realize that I am the shittiest adult on the face of the planet. I get exhausted meeting new people, because in my head I am very hard at work trying to not freak out at the amount of people in the room, being uncomfortable in my fancy clothes, and also trying to not say something completely awkward.
So how's the penis lately?...Shit.
To further separate me from the adult crowd, I do not particularly like the taste of alcoholic beverages. I can count on less than half of one hand the number of drinks I have had and liked...two, in fact: Toasted Marshmallow Amore and some very pink frozen fruity thing I had on my honeymoon in the Bahamas but don't know the name of.
Fuck you Olive Garden for getting rid of the only alcoholic drink I like and know the name of.
You would also be surprised how many people feel awkward, threatened, or just all around angry that you are not drinking. Then they come to the conclusion that there must be a medical reason for your disturbing lack of alcohol, and immediately ask in their loudest voice if you are pregnant. Then you spend the rest of the evening denying the baby rumors and feeling fat.
Me: Chunky, not pregnant.
I find it easier to just skirt the whole issue by pretending I already have a drink, so I like to carry a mocktail. That way, no one bothers me or tries to buy me something totally disgusting that they insist I will like, despite the fact that I have told them I don't want it. 

The only mocktail I knew that every venue has the stuff to make is the Shirley Temple, which is okay, but not great. NO MORE! 
Suck it, Shirley.
At the wedding, I found out about the most awesome drink ever. Behold my friends, the Darth Vader!
Okay, the photo quality is shitty, but whatever.
What is in this glass of delicious you might be asking. I will tell you, because we are BFFs and everyone should know of this wonderful beverage: Coke, grenadine, and a maraschino cherry. BAM.
The taste is magical. Like unicorn urine or something.
(Side note: the brand name for the grenadine in this photo is funkin syrup. That makes me giggle.)
It was magical and everyone thought it was a "real" beverage. Also, it is named after Darth Vader and that equals awesome.
Don't ruin this by reminding me that this drink is also called the Roy Rogers.
It's a fucking DARTH VADER bitch.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tee hee....um ever hear of a "cherry coke\?" um...they sell them pre-mixed at ypur local grocer!

Charleen said...

The problem I would have with a mocktail is that typically when I'm at an event with an open bar, everyone is always asking everyone else what they're drinking. So I'd either need a decoy that looked just like a true alcoholic drink, and then give them that name, or something that looked so ridiculously disgusting that no one would look at it and think "Ooh, I want to try that!" (On the other hand if it looked nasty they might still ask so they knew what to stay away from.)

Melissa Bloechl said...

I actually don't like cherry coke. It tastes weird to me. This is a little different. Maybe because I can control the amount of cherry?

Melissa Bloechl said...

The beauty of the Darth Vader is that it looks like boring old rum and coke. The bartender even put it in the same glass used for rum and cokes (not the glass in my photo, as that was one I made at home).

Amber Holt said...

I'm with you! I have a couple of things that I like to drink. Screwdriver is my favorite, except when they use that bullshit fake, dirty foot tasting orange juice. Can I get some Tropicana people?! Please!
Another tasty one is (don't laugh) the Scooby Snack It's OJ, vodka, sour mix and Midori. It's only down fall is that it looks like mucus. Lovely I know.
I always give people the "I'm the DD tonight" line so they don't bother me! Works like a charm.

squashculls said...

I think that not drinking is perfectly normal, and I both imbibe and don't, depending on my mood. I've never had anyone assume there is something wrong with me for not drinking though. That is weird. You can hang out and not drink with us! We do it quite regularly. Plus I often don't drink when I'm out because it's too damned expensive.

Melissa Bloechl said...

Amber: I have tried the DD line, but my husband usually has one drink that he nurses all night and then water, so he blows my cover...

Melissa Bloechl said...

Squashculls: I don't get it either. I just don't personally enjoy the taste or the way it makes me feel, and it would be awesome if people would just let it go. Not only have I had the pregnancy thing happen to me, I have also had to deny rumors that I was a recovering alcoholic. WTF?! Really? Just because I don't particularly like drinking doesn't mean I have a substance abuse problem or that I am harboring a baby-fugitive in my loins!

capybaraworld said...

You are endlessly inventive and I so agree about how upset people get if you don't drink

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