Monday, October 29, 2012

End of Days?

The Frankenstorm is coming! GAH! Just kidding. Well, the storm is coming...and it is merging with a Nor'easter coming in from Canada before it gets here, but...DEAR GOD! IT IS FRANKENSTORM!
Well, we're fucked.
As always, I ventured out to work this morning. My employer gets very cranky about missing days for something as trivial as "weather," or "three goddamn feet of snow," or "holy-shit-my-house-has-become-an-island type flooding". 
You had better paddle your ass in to work, you fucking pansy.
But the storm hadn't really started yet so the ride in was fine, if a little windy. The problem lies in the fact that I live inland, but work right on the coast. I could fart wrong and be on the beach, which is less than a mile away.
Point A is where I work. Point B is the local beach.
Also, I would like to point out that the "land" represented on the above map is seriously misleading. It is more like salt marsh and bog with little rivers and estuaries everywhere. (Side note: the word of the day is estuaries...because they are cool places and have fascinating ecosystems. Don't say I don't teach you anything.)
Hey Google, this is what we here in the real world call NOT LAND.
Apparently, the real storm is supposed to start in earnest later this afternoon, so hopefully that means I will be able to escape the watery land of Hampton before the sea takes it back like Atlantis.
Hampton will not look this majestic.
Preparations for Sandy here have been subdued. Sure, we had the usual rush for the grocery stores and boarding up of houses along the immediate coast, and all the schools in the state were either cancelled or will be releasing early, but the attitude to the storm is pure New England: "Fack (Fuck) Sandy. It's just gonna rain wicked haaad (hard) and be windy, and then it will be fackin' (fucking) done Kiiid (Kid). It's not like that blizzaaad (blizzard) the year before last. That was a fuckin' killah (killer). Fuckin' transplants (people not from New England or not from the NE state the person hails from), getting excited over some rain...*grumbling*". Allow me to translate that for you: "You are a fucking pansy-ass-bitch. Are you a New Englander or not?!"
THIS is what a salty New Englander looks like. She doesn't give a shit about some rain!
(Hi Grandma, great 'stache and bitchin' hat)
Here are photos of some of the preparations:
Sandy, this minuteman in his trash bag attire will give you a musketball enema.
And this:
Sandy, why are you ruining Halloween, the holiday of candy and slutty costumes?
And this one:
Spooooooky ghost!
And this:
Ha! Take that Sandy! You don't even deserve your own sign!
And then I saw this.
Grand Central Station in New York City at rush hour this morning...
...Oh shit you guys. It's gonna be wicked bad out.


4 comments:

Valerie said...

And when this whole thing blows over, we will all hopefully be sitting pretty and making mounds of french toast with our leftover milk, bread and eggs that we all bought in surplus.

FRENCH TOAST FOR EVERYONE!!!!

Hugs!

Valerie

Melissa Bloechl said...

Fuck yeah! French toast!!! Only...I didn't stock up on any of those things...damn. :-(

squashculls said...

Haha doesn't even get its own sign~!~~

Melissa Bloechl said...

I thought that was pretty awesome. But Irene was a severe disappointment.

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