I have a love/hate relationship with seasons. I like that we get warm and cold weather, I like that we get snow (sometimes), I like the pretty leaves in the fall; however, it always seems that I get used to one season and then BAM! A different one is there, ruining my day with all of its special demands.
Here are the reasons I hate summer:
More LaundryI do believe we are all well acquainted with how I feel about laundry on a normal basis, but if not click here and read all about it.
|Dear Laundry: Fuck you, you fucking bitch-whore twat-waffle. I hope you burn in hell. <3 Me|
|Well, it started out at 60 this morning, then it was 90 degrees early this afternoon, but within the space of an hour the temperature dropped to 45. Boom! Two or three clothing changes right there in one goddamn day.|
Roving Hordes of ChildrenLet me just say up front, I do not hate children but summer means no school, and that means there are children everywhere. Sometimes they are charming, adorable, and fun; but, more often than not, any encounter with children I have in the summer is not at all charming. They are running down aisles, pulling things off of shelves and racks, screaming, crying, and having all out temper tantrums.
Go ahead, deny me a juice box. Do it. I dare you.
And if it isn't the young kids, it is the roving gangs of asshole pre-teens at any clothing establishment. They yell obscenities, are rude to everyone, are stealing everything, and are generally behaving like...well, assholes. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOUR PARENTS?!
|Yes, we are all very impressed that you said "fuck" ten times, right in front of all those small children, and then stuck that dress you didn't pay for in your gigantic purse.|
And if that wasn't enough fun, then you can step outside and get run over by the first time drivers that actively want to kill you to impress the friends they are driving around with.
|These bitches will totally touch my penis if I burn out of the parking lot and almost kill us all! Bitches love that shit!|
|Hey fatass, LOOK AT HOW DELICIOUS I AM.|
WeatherThe weather in New England is notoriously unpredictable and fickle at any time of year, but never is that more of an issue than in the summer when you are trying to plan time off from work, especially for outdoor activities. You will have a hot, 90-degree day and the next day it will be 50 degrees and raining hypothermia from the uncaring sky.
|I'm so confused. And cold. And dirty....ew, what the hell am I doing?|
Almost none of the buildings here are equipped to deal with summer heat. Most buildings are old and drafty with no built in air conditioning, some aren't that old and yet still somehow have no air conditioning, still others technically have air conditioning but it never functions properly (especially not when it is actually hot outside), and if a place does miraculously have air conditioning that works, no one seems to know how to turn it off of the "make your ass into a popsicle" setting, so you freeze to death. There is no middle ground. Ever.
Oh hey, welcome to my icy cave of death! Uh...I mean, office!
- The car...IT BURNS.
You get into your car and EVERYTHING. FUCKING. BURNS.
|GAH! I touched the steering wheel!|
- Help! I'm stuck!I hate having to peel my thighs off of vinyl or leather seats at restaurants.
|Are you and I going to have a problem, buddy?|
- Passive-Aggressive Stores
They punish you for leaving with a blast of icy air just as you step out the door, and then the heat outside feels a billion times worse.
|Dear god, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!|
Tourists and TrafficIf you have ever wondered where the phrase,"You can't there from here" came from, it was from New England. Our road systems are based mostly on the original 1700s roads, which means lots of narrow streets, one way roads, dead ends, and awkward intersections.
|Ah, Boston. So picturesque, yet you want to stab something if you have to drive or park there.|
Side note: Fuck you, Storrow Drive...
|I don't care if that WAS the exit you needed, you don't slam on your breaks and BACK UP on the fucking highway.|
- People that drive with all their windows down while cranking the WORST music ever.
- People who drive with all their windows down and smoke the smelliest cigarettes ever while everyone is stuck right next to them in traffic.
Bees, bugs and pestsDavid fucking hates bees and if he sees one, he will bust out the bee poison and spray it at anything that remotely resembles a bee, no matter if it is inside or outside.
FashionBeing of the vagina-having gender and apparently part Wookie, I having to spend forever shaving and plucking everything before going out in the summer. If you spend the time to de-Wookie properly (not the panicked "Shit! I'm gonna be late!" shave), you get made fun of for taking forever. If you don't, you're a hairy beast monster.
|Just me and some of the girls, hanging out!|