|Yup, that right there is where shit goes down.|
- I'm doing okay, but I really need less work and more sleep or I am going to be a zombie for Christmas.
- I celebrate Christmas, and I have a metric fuck-ton of people to see. My family, my husband's family, our extended family...So. Many. People.
- If I had no holiday to celebrate, I would sleep and then make a gigantic feast just because I could. With loads of mashed potatoes. And carrots. And brown n' serve rolls. And pie. And cookies.
|And spiral ham, because delicious.|
I think I am going to keep with the Christmas theme today and talk about holiday office parties and how much they suck. Why do they suck? Let me take you through this bullshit...
Parties. With an "-ies" not a "y".
I don't know about your office, but the one I currently work in has three goddamn parties this year because people in different departments can't get together and plan just one. The first of this holiday clusterfuck is this Wednesday, then there is one this Thursday, and the final one is on the 21st.
|Just fucking pick a day. Jesus Christ...|
Why is that? First and foremost, it is because I take photos because apparently no one can work a camera but me. Secondly, no one really wants to claim the graphic designer is in their department because no one really knows what I do. No one want to be responsible for all the witchcraft and jiggery-pokery my job entails.
|"Hang on guys...I'm summoning Satan. Uh, I mean....making a poster."|
What the fucking fuck is THAT supposed to mean?
Please allow me to clarify: it means make something/bring something, or your ass will be in a chair in HR to talk about why you aren't being a "team player". The participation level in the past has been less than stellar (i.e. - two or three people) and instead of thinking, "Hey, maybe it is because there are too many parties and people can't afford to bring something to every party..." they just determined that they needed to force participation instead, because that is fun for everyone.
|"Merry Christmas, bitches" – <3 The HR Department|
I would like to say thanks to all the deities in existence for NOT having a Secret Santa this year. Last year, it was required just like the pot luck. And I always get stuck having to get a present for the greasy, fat dude...
|Do they think I am made of money and ideas for ALL the greasy, fat dudes?|
While attending all of these parties, you are supposed to let go the fact that you are co-workers and just be friends. All in all, how many jobs include co-workers that you could also consider friends? I used to have that at a previous job, but that is the exception and not the rule. Here, I have co-workers that are okay, fewer that I actually like, and even fewer that I would hang out with as a friend.
So they take that dynamic, stuff it into a small space with weird food and not enough chairs, and expect you to awkwardly make chit-chat with the boss that has made your life a living hell, the strange dude in the cubical down the hall who you are pretty sure has a collection of boogers under his desk, and the "Happy Hannah" of the office who is always WAY too pumped about everything. Including Mondays.
|Above: Actual conversation from a work party.|
|With the added bonus of my social awkwardness and anxiety, this holiday season should be LOADS of fun.|