Monday, July 30, 2012

Personal Space

This is my office:
Anything in the pink area, I consider my personal office area. I thought, as my desk makes a natural dividing line between the "public" area and the "private" areas of my office, this would be understood by most people who have ever been in or seen an office before. Clearly, I was mistaken.

People here have no concept of personal space. They barge in, immediately walk behind my desk, and stand right behind my chair. Um, hi...what the fucking fuck are you doing asshat?!
Even fucking Lumbergh stays in the "visitor area" of the cubicle.
Sometimes people just wander in to have a conversation, which is fine, but why the fuck do they need to stand BEHIND me? Who likes conversing with the back of a person's head? Please note that I have chairs for visitors, but it is like they don't exist.

Another reason (besides being creepy as fuck to have someone breathing down your neck while you are trying to work) has to do with the nature of my work. I am a graphic designer and I don't like to show people things until they are done to my specifications. In-progress work often looks like ass. When people come barging in, do they just wait quietly for me to finish up what I am doing? No. They look over my shoulder, critique my work even if the project doesn't belong to them and make what they think are "fun and edgy" suggestions:
Get the fuck out. NOW.
This is exceedingly frustrating and it makes me want to beat something, namely their face. Do I breathe over their shoulder and tell them how to do their spreadsheets or whatever the fuck they do? NO. I trust that they know what they are supposed to be doing better that I do (even when I know that isn't true, I keep my opinions to myself unless they ask).
Don't be Brainy from Hey Arnold, or I will fucking punch you in the face like Helga.
Lastly, I wear headphones so I don't have to hear the customer service collection people I sit with yell at other people for not paying us. I can only see the door out of the corner of my eye, so please make a small noise or wave or something to let me know you are there. Don't stand there like a dumbass.

Do NOT whip a baseball down the hall so it collides with the side of my metal cabinet and makes a huge bang noise that scares the shit out of me.* Yes, you will succeed in getting my attention, but I will not help you. 
Also, you should eat a huge bag of dicks.
Moral of the story: if you are going into someone's office, exercise a little common courtesy. Give a little knock or wave and stay in the visitor's area unless you are invited behind the desk. 

If you can't do that, you are a creepy-ass motherfucker and you need to back the fuck up. The end.

*Sadly, this has happened to me at my current job more than once.


If you have something you would like me to talk about or want to hear my opinion on, let me know. I try to stay away from politics or religion, but I am not ruling them out completely. Ask away :-)


Charleen said...

Ugh, I hate when someone's standing over my shoulder! My husband does it sometimes while I'm on the computer, and I just feel like he's spying on whatever I'm doing and judging me... which is a terrible thing to think about one's husband, I just can't help it. That's always been my response if someone's hanging over my shoulder while I'm working (or browsing the internet).

Ms Plaid Dressy Pants said...

My desk is the front desk, so while I handle all the front desk duties, like greeting customers and answering phone calls, I also work in another department which means I am BUSY. The problem is people don't realize that. I'm information central, hold everyones calander (apparently), know the comings and goings of everyone and my desk is used as a loading area for people who carry so much stuff they can't make it in and out the door in one trip. Just because I don't have a door doesn't mean this isn't my office and that this isn't my desk! It is not communal! You cannot rummage through it looking for office supplies! You cannot stage stuff here! You cannot leave stuff here! You cannot stand here and hold a conversation while my back is turned to you!AAACCCKK!!!

Melissa Bloechl said...

I think I figured out the comment problem...

Melissa Bloechl said...


Melissa Bloechl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melissa Bloechl said...


Charleen: I totally get that! I always feel like David is being a Mr. Judgy-McJudgypants. All up in my Kool-aid and he doesn't even know the flavor...asshole...

Ms Plaid Dressy Pants: HI!!! It is nice to see you here! And I know all about the "dumping ground" syndrome. My office was unoccupied for about 3-4 months before I was hired. In that time it was treated like a storage closet. I have all kind of shit in here that isn't mine and has nothing to do with what I do. And they still come by asking if they can just drop stuff there. WTF?! Does this look like a dump to you?!

Shannon said...

Beautiful rant you have there :) I used to have a cubicle and my French colleagues used to stand behind me all the time as well... Fucking drove me batshit.

Melissa Bloechl said...

Shannon: I rant a lot :-)

Seriously, what the fuck is up with people? I just can't take it. There is only one person at work who can come behind my desk without asking and that is the copywriter I work with because he is usually helping me edit the text in one document or another...

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