Monday, July 23, 2012

Jesus Buns

Disclaimer: I would like to say up front that I am not religious and have no plans to be, but I am a firm believer in tolerance for all faiths, races, genders, and sexual orientations. If you have a hate speech to make, take your soap box elsewhere.

Also, please don't get mad at me. I mean no disrespect to anyone. These were my real thoughts and reactions.

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No, I will not be talking about the ass-cheeks of Jesus. I am talking about these:
See? No one's ass was even involved.
I found this recipe on Pinterest. Yes, I have a Pinterest addiction. If you want to see/follow my boards, you can click here or on the logo below to get to my page. I always take a look at the boards of people who follow me too, so please feel free to feed my addiction.
FEED ME SEYMORE!
Anyway, back to the Jesus Buns. The recipe (entitled "Hocus Pocus Buns" on Pinterest) looked delicious and extremely fattening: everything I could want in a dessert recipe. I didn't click through the link to see the actual recipe page, but I pinned it so I could look at it later.

Last night, I was culling through my recipe board and re-found it. I was like "Oh hey! I could totally make this RIGHT NOW!" So, I clicked through to see the actual recipe and found myself reading a religiously-toned recipe page. That was a little unexpected, but church ladies can make some seriously good food, so whatever.


For those of you who may not know (as I didn't), these buns are actually called Resurrection Rolls. They are a religious thing that apparently many people know about (but strangely, my Catholic-raised husband did not).


I had no idea what I was getting into yet...but it was made painfully clear as I read the first paragraph: "Resurrection Rolls are the perfect treat to make with your little ones to share the meaning of Easter." Okay, now you might be thinking what I was thinking: "Oh no. NO. They are NOT going to go there..." 

Warning: THEY. TOTALLY. ARE.

First, the recipe asks you to pretend that the marshmallows are Jesus' dead corpse: "Give your child a marshmallow and explain that it represents Jesus, all white and pure because He was without sin." There are several things wrong with that image, but fine I'll go with it.

This adds a whole new meaning to the phrase "Sweet Jesus"

Next, you are instructed to pretend the melted butter you dip "Jesus" in are embalming oils. Um, is this getting creepy to anyone else?
Bathe your dead in my essence.
After that, you are instructed to roll the "embalmed Jesus" in cinnamon and sugar that represents the spices traditionally used to prepare the body for burial. Sweet fancy Moses...REALLY? This is a kid's activity?!
All I want to be able to use this on toast again, without thinking of a corpse.
Now, you take your prepped "Jesus" and wrap him in his crescent roll "shroud." Seriously. I wish I was making this up...
The Dough of Turin?
And this is the winner: "Put the rolls in the oven (symbolizing the tomb) and bake for 12 minutes." The OVEN symbolizes the TOMB?! Oh man...really? Please just no. I can't be the only one thinking that perhaps you shouldn't be shoving half a dozen Jewish dudes into an oven, even if it is just a recipe and we are just pretending they are Jesus.
I can't...Wow. Just no.
So there you have it. I have been mentally scarred by a recipe. This is not something I anticipated ever happening in my life.

For those of you wondering: Yes, I did still make them and they were delicious. Here are the ones I made:



2 comments:

Shannon said...

Ha, had several LOLs, thanks this was hilarious !
Xx Shannon

Melissa Bloechl said...

Welcome to my insanity!

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