What. The. Fuck.

As the Bloggess would say: This isn’t a real post. I am being mildly irritated by everything today, and I need to get it out:

• Wireless mouse:  You use batteries like a junkie goes through heroin. Seriously, you are fucking battery eating machine. I turn you off when I go home every night and yet you still mock me. If you tell me you are low on batteries one more time, I am throwing you out the goddamn window.

"Batteries?! OM-NOM-NOM-NOM!" - Mouse

• Keyboard: Seriously, what the fuck? I plug in a USB drive and you randomly decide to eject it and then put an error message on the screen telling me that I improperly removed the drive. I plug it in the other USB port and the same thing happens. I hate you.

"I like fucking with people while they are working and telling them it is their fault.
Like your boss, but more vital to your work." - Keyboard

• Work coffee: You taste like liquid ass. You taste like that every day, but it is bothering me more than usual today. Also, grapes. I see you hiding back there. Don’t think Coffee is going to protect you. What the hell? I just bought you a couple of days ago and you have been in the fridge, so why are you all squishy? WHY?

Fact: Coffee still tastes like ass, even though it is in an awesome cup. Lipstick on a pig people.

• Air conditioner: While I really appreciate that you work now (really), especially given that it is 100 degrees outside today, you are kinda being an over-achiever. Just take it down a notch.

Deep freeze isn't necessary.

• Mother Nature: First you bring this god-awful heatwave, then you send Aunt Flow to visit so I have to go through the day with a diaper strapped to my ass? You are a bitch.

Bonus: It is humid too, so my hair looks like a poodle is camped out on my head. Awesome.

• Cabinet in the break room: Why won’t you close? There is nothing blocking your way, yet you insist on being slightly ajar. You’re messing with me, aren’t you?

Fucker.

Thanks for letting me vent. I’ll be back on Monday with a real post...