Monday, August 13, 2012

Only You Can Prevent Sweaty Ass Crack

What the fuck, people who work out before they go to their jobs? I don't mean the people who go to a gym super early and then shower after. While you guys are clearly overachievers that want me to feel bad about myself, this isn't about you and your craziness.
Even the sun wants to know what the fuck you think you are doing being awake at this hour.
I am talking about the people who ride their bikes, run, or jog to get to work. Or the people who run or jog on their lunch break. AND THERE ARE NO SHOWERS WHEN THEY GET THERE.
This stuff is required after exercise. Rubber ducky is optional I guess...if you have no soul...
Do these people not sweat? Do they not have B.O.? Are they ALIENS?! I know that I sweat like a Wookie on Tatooine and smell even worse when I exert myself even a little bit. The idea of coming into work without cleaning up after is abhorrant to me and would be everyone else who had to sit near me.
All I did was raise my arms and my deodorant was gone...dammit. 
These people show up, all red faced and soaked in sweat, change into work clothes (or worse, put their work clothes over their spandex...or even worse, just go with the spandex...ugh) and go about their day.  Um...what the fucking fuck guys? Not cool.
*Sniff* Ahhhh! I smell like the ass-end of a rotting buzzard! Time to go to work!
I'm not saying it isn't a commendable idea to bike, run, or walk to work. It is good for the environment and good for you. It is not good for your co-workers who have to smell you for the rest of the day. Work sucks enough already without having to smell your raunchy butt odor wafting through the halls.

Remember friends: Only YOU can prevent SAC (Sweaty Ass Crack)


On a completely unrelated note, did you know that Cadbury makes a creme egg for Halloween now?! I shit you not my friends, it exists!
I ate this in my car while I wallowed in my shame. Delicious, delicious shame.


squashculls said...

I've always wondered about those people because when I exercise I look like I've stepped out of a waterfall. Also, how are you eating a Halloween egg now?

Melissa Bloechl said...

They look like they are drenched too, but they go to work anyway. All sweaty and gross...ick.

Everywhere up here has Halloween stuff out now. We have to make sure we ruin the rest of summer with thoughts of the impending soul-crushing suckage of winter.

Amber Holt said...

I'm playing catch up on your blog so forgive the comments from Posts Past :)
My thoughts on midday work outs - if you don't need to shower after working out, you're doing it wrong. If you're doing it wrong stop wasting your time and go back to the couch.

Melissa Bloechl said...

It's cool. I post on past posts all the time and then I am like, "Oh shit, that happened like 4 years ago...oh well, I still meant what I said..." I totally agree about the showering thing. If you are actually working out and not just posing in working out positions, you will need to clean your sweaty ass up!

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