Personal Space

This is my office:

Anything in the pink area, I consider my personal office area. I thought, as my desk makes a natural dividing line between the "public" area and the "private" areas of my office, this would be understood by most people who have ever been in or seen an office before. Clearly, I was mistaken.

People here have no concept of personal space. They barge in, immediately walk behind my desk, and stand right behind my chair. Um, hi...what the fucking fuck are you doing asshat?!

Even fucking Lumbergh stays in the "visitor area" of the cubicle.

Sometimes people just wander in to have a conversation, which is fine, but why the fuck do they need to stand BEHIND me? Who likes conversing with the back of a person's head? Please note that I have chairs for visitors, but it is like they don't exist.

Another reason (besides being creepy as fuck to have someone breathing down your neck while you are trying to work) has to do with the nature of my work. I am a graphic designer and I don't like to show people things until they are done to my specifications. In-progress work often looks like ass. When people come barging in, do they just wait quietly for me to finish up what I am doing? No. They look over my shoulder, critique my work even if the project doesn't belong to them and make what they think are "fun and edgy" suggestions:

Get the fuck out. NOW.

This is exceedingly frustrating and it makes me want to beat something, namely their face. Do I breathe over their shoulder and tell them how to do their spreadsheets or whatever the fuck they do? NO. I trust that they know what they are supposed to be doing better that I do (even when I know that isn't true, I keep my opinions to myself unless they ask).

Don't be Brainy from Hey Arnold, or I will fucking punch you in the face like Helga.

Lastly, I wear headphones so I don't have to hear the customer service collection people I sit with yell at other people for not paying us. I can only see the door out of the corner of my eye, so please make a small noise or wave or something to let me know you are there. Don't stand there like a dumbass.

Do NOT whip a baseball down the hall so it collides with the side of my metal cabinet and makes a huge bang noise that scares the shit out of me.* Yes, you will succeed in getting my attention, but I will not help you. 

Also, you should eat a huge bag of dicks.

Moral of the story: if you are going into someone's office, exercise a little common courtesy. Give a little knock or wave and stay in the visitor's area unless you are invited behind the desk. 

If you can't do that, you are a creepy-ass motherfucker and you need to back the fuck up. The end.

*Sadly, this has happened to me at my current job more than once.

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If you have something you would like me to talk about or want to hear my opinion on, let me know. I try to stay away from politics or religion, but I am not ruling them out completely. Ask away :-)