Happy Shit - 9/27/13

Hi guys. Sorry I didn't post last week, but I was crazy busy and didn't have time to watch cool videos, which is sad because I LIKE watching cool videos.

It's like they WANT me to have a breakdown at work.

Anyway, fun fact of the week for last week: The male giraffe will continuously headbutt the female in the bladder until she urinates. The male then tastes the pee and that helps it determine whether the female is ovulating.

 If she is, it’s business time.

Fun fact of the week for this week: Abalones (a snail) have 5 assholes.

Yeah, they pretty much look like they're made out of assholes too.

And now, happy shit! Huzzah!

This link to a list of bad book covers was sent to me by a friend. I am not sure I have forgiven her for the damage it has done to my psyche.

Except this one. This one is awesome.

Another friend sent me this link to crafts that will haunt your dreams. I would just like to say it isn't all that creepy...some of them were actually kinda cool.

Tampon angel ornament. I don't even know what to say, I just was dumbfounded.

This video teaches you how to get up like a ninja.

I have always wanted to know how to do this, but I am afraid I would break myself or someone else if I tried it.

This My Little Brony commercial.

Have fun the basement bedroom play set!

And since it is getting close to Halloween (YAY!), I've been watching cool makeup tutorials. Like this pretty woodland fairy one:

All ethereal and shit.

And this one on how to apply creepy clown makeup.

I WANT TO EAT YOUR SOUL.

And this Mystique-like eye makeup tutorial.

Or perhaps a bird of some kind, instead of Mystique...

Men Explain: Waxing, wherein Chris and Max try waxing Chris' leg.

Hug out the pain.

This video of Taylor David covering the Gladiator Theme.

Mentioning business time in the giraffe fact made me think of the Business Time music video by Flight of the Conchords.

You know when I'm down to my socks, it's time for business that's why they call them business socks!

And a new Ask a Mortician!

Look, pizza and a drag queen! How are you NOT intrigued?

And finally, a new True Facts. This one is about frogs.

WARNING: The last scene is traumatic as fuck.
Seriously, it will haunt your nightmares.

And that is it this week. I have been working on a couple of normal posts but inspiration and motivation have been problematic as of late, and for that I apologize.

Happy Shit - 9/13/13

This week was messed up.

Firstly, the weather: it started out all beautiful and fall-like on Monday, then it became violently stormy, humid, and hot as hell. We set record levels for heat here on Wednesday: 95 in Portsmouth. In September. Fuck. That. Shit. Now it is going back to fall temperatures this weekend, which I hope will stick around.

I wish we could have autumn weather all year. It is nice and sunny and about 50-70 degrees.
Perfect conditions for the Melissa.

Second, work: I have had the most messed up workflow this week. Boredom, utter panic and chaos, then boredom again...and it was all weird requests from people I don't normally work with.

Hello? Oh yes, I would be super happy to hurry up and wait!

And third: Weirdness. I just feel off. My sense of timing is off (I think it is 3pm and it is really 12pm), my schedule has been all kinds of fucked up, I have my period and feel all bloated and gross, I can feel my S.A.D. kicking in as the days rapidly get shorter, and I had to take a coworker/friend to the ER for kidney stones yesterday. All in all, a messed up week.

The sad, sad cycle of S.A.D.

Fun fact of the week: The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets.

Fun related fact about my family: My grandfather is the youngest of 12 children (he has an "older" twin sister...older by 2 hours).

And now, here is some happy shit:

This baby cheetah making adorable noises.

Look at me and try to resist the adorable. Then I will melt your heart with my adorable noises.

This gif of a cat being caught stealing underpants.

I love how he tries to go all casual at the end like,"Oh. Hey. Didn't see you there. There is nothing going on here..."

I wish Fig was as well behaved in the bath as this baby bunny in the shower.

See Fig? CALM. There is no need to flail madly and look at me like I have betrayed you.

This gif of a very happy, derp-faced dog.

He is derping so hard right now...DERP!

This really awesome Guinness commercial of guys playing wheelchair basketball with their friend.

The ending will hit you, right in the feels...

This gif of cats being cats.

And this video of tiny kitties being Super Cats.

*No kittens were harmed in the making of this video.

And the sequel to Super Cats, this time with puppies AND kitties: Super Dogs!

It feels so good to be gangster. Woof.

And this gif of a dude making ramen in the most manly way possible.

I've been making/eating ramen wrong...

And that's it for this week!

Happy Shit - 9/6/13

What's up, internet friends?

Today was one of those days where I just wanted to rip my hair out. By the time this afternoon came, I had been bombarded with multiple requests, subjected to high school levels of drama, had a small panic attack (complete with stress hives - oh yes, those are a thing), and my printer decided that it really didn't want to talk to my computer anymore, therefore screwing over all printing for the rest of the day.

It looks all nice and innocent, but really it is lurking...waiting for the most inopportune moment to BE A FUCKING ASSHAT.

Anyway, fun fact of the week: Baby koalas eat special poops from their moms called pap. Pap contains enzymes that help them break down the tough fibers of eucalyptus and gum leaves until they can start producing enough of their own enzymes to eat and digest it own their own.

OMG! I don't even care that you eat poop, I want to love your face!

And happy shit:

This link is less "happy shit" and more "oh-my-fucking-god-this-is-disgusting-why-am-I-watching-this"...

"Oh, it's daytime! Better eat some larvae and drink my own piss!" - Bear Grills

And from the same site, here are 18 images, most of which will haunt your dreams.

MAP TIME! MAP TIME!

Okay, I promise I am done with the disturbing and disgusting stuff. Look at this cool video of people driving into a shitbunch of cardboard boxes!

It makes me happy inside to see all of the cardboard destruction.

And because I use this phrase all the time, here is Flula trying to understand "piss like a racehorse."

This is the photo that came up when I searched "Piss like a racehorse." Yes.

And this cover of Fields of Gold by Evynne Hollens is nice.

I don't know why the internet has been devoid of readily available funny things lately...I hope you have a lovely weekend and I will write again sometime next week.